Flight of the Sparrow

Dear Marilyn:

Hi, gorgeous! Remember my last post? Boy was I intoxicated that night. I went to work the next day, completely hungover. I spent the better half of the day moody, but eventually I got it together.

Today, I wasted my day moping around my place in a sweater and pj's, trying not to be affected by my conversation this morning with the boy from the sea. He casually mentioned he is getting closer to his ex (Marcello) and they might be getting back together. I congratulated him, I knew Boy from the sea had been wanting that, but Marcello wasn't going for it. I tried to fight off the feelings rushing through me, telling myself that Marcello lives down the street from him, I live sort of far. Boy from the sea and Marcello dated for a while, prior to his move. But then I couldn't avoid thinking that Marcello is really cute, in better shape than me, stylish and seemed to have lots of money.

Then I remembered that a few months ago, I almost ended up in bed with both of them (but we all got too drunk and woke up in different places). It helped a tiny bit.

I don't understand how one person could affect another so intensely. I never imagined I would be THAT person... and here we are.

I know this isn't the last of Boy from the sea, yet I can't help but want to disappear for a while. Fall of the face of the Earth. I fantasized about quitting my job, since I hate it anyway, packing it all up and quietly moving with either of my parents or my older sister. Dad lives in another country, which might be exactly what I'm looking for. I want to regroup, work on myself, heal and return a new person. The "new person" I am trying to morph into is in fact, my old self. My charismatic, confident, aloof, former self.

I realize it sounds a bit dramatic but I could really use a Madonnaesque reinvention, and the satisfaction of a grand Cheresque comeback. I've done it before and it's an amazing feeling. Vindication.

I'm a gypsy and I have known it's been time to move on for a while now. We'll see. I'm trying to be rational about this.

TTYL.