WTF Was I Thinking?

Dear Marylin:

After a lot of hard work, some soul searching, and meeting new people, I was finally over Boy From the Sea. But he called, and I went out with him tonight... I'm back at square one. WTF Was I thinking?

I got the sense that he wanted to make things right between us, reestablish our friendship, take it back to what it was, but only because someone else brought to his attention that he handled the situation poorly.

I'm supposed to see him tomorrow at a NYE Party, in fact, we might carpool, but I don't know which way is up? I can't handle not going, and I can't handle going.

I think I'm going to try to make it to this party tomorrow, and whatever happens, happens. Either way I'm going to end up, left in pieces. I feel like I need to go and allow myself to, because a part of me thinks this could be the day I get what I want.

My better judgement is telling me to stay and celebrate the new year with my new friends, who I adore. Good, genuine, kind, amazing people. But instead, I am probably going to end up following my naive, inexperienced heart. Honestly, I think he will always wield this power over me.

-Sparrow