Dear Marilyn:
Hi, gorgeous! Remember my last post? Boy was I intoxicated that night. I went to work the next day, completely hungover. I spent the better half of the day moody, but eventually I got it together.
Today, I wasted my day moping around my place in a sweater and pj's, trying not to be affected by my conversation this morning with the boy from the sea. He casually mentioned he is getting closer to his ex (Marcello) and they might be getting back together. I congratulated him, I knew Boy from the sea had been wanting that, but Marcello wasn't going for it. I tried to fight off the feelings rushing through me, telling myself that Marcello lives down the street from him, I live sort of far. Boy from the sea and Marcello dated for a while, prior to his move. But then I couldn't avoid thinking that Marcello is really cute, in better shape than me, stylish and seemed to have lots of money.
Then I remembered that a few months ago, I almost ended up in bed with both of them (but we all got too drunk and woke up in different places). It helped a tiny bit.
I don't understand how one person could affect another so intensely. I never imagined I would be THAT person... and here we are.
I know this isn't the last of Boy from the sea, yet I can't help but want to disappear for a while. Fall of the face of the Earth. I fantasized about quitting my job, since I hate it anyway, packing it all up and quietly moving with either of my parents or my older sister. Dad lives in another country, which might be exactly what I'm looking for. I want to regroup, work on myself, heal and return a new person. The "new person" I am trying to morph into is in fact, my old self. My charismatic, confident, aloof, former self.
I realize it sounds a bit dramatic but I could really use a Madonnaesque reinvention, and the satisfaction of a grand Cheresque comeback. I've done it before and it's an amazing feeling. Vindication.
I'm a gypsy and I have known it's been time to move on for a while now. We'll see. I'm trying to be rational about this.
TTYL.
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
AbNot
Dear, Marilyn
So I went to a meeting that lasted about 15-20 minutes, mostly executives and a few managers. The entire time I'm in the meeting making a conscious effort to look like I'm not sitting in my chair, completely judging every other person in the room (well, not EVERY other person, but mostly everyone), is that wrong of me? The meeting was about: ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! I'm dead serious, there was nothing that came out of that meeting. At one point, a senior executive was informing the group about a database that had nothing to do with the group in the room, someone should have stopped her and informed her it was the wrong forum for that discussion. As she regurgitated words in a half witted attempt at explaining, she used words like "centralize" and "essentially" in the wrong context. I know one of the other executives caught on to it, I figured he might, but he is a huge bitch, totally afraid of her so he wouldn't dare say anything. The rest of them are all pretty dense and are fooled by her trickery. Using "big words" like 'centralize' and 'essentially' works on them.
I headed straight to another meeting. As I walked down the hall, I paid special attention to the names and titles on the doors of all the other offices and thought to myself, "WOW! I work with a bunch of fu**ing idiots." This meeting lasted about 10 minutes. You want to know what it was about? Yeah, you guessed it: ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! I can't even remember a single word from that meeting. It was such a waste of time. I think I lost brain cells just sitting there. In order to make use of the 10 minute waste of time, I worked on my signature - that way at least I did something productive. The others probably thought I was taking notes but I was really just scribbling my name over and over, experimenting with the look of my signature.
So I went to a meeting that lasted about 15-20 minutes, mostly executives and a few managers. The entire time I'm in the meeting making a conscious effort to look like I'm not sitting in my chair, completely judging every other person in the room (well, not EVERY other person, but mostly everyone), is that wrong of me? The meeting was about: ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! I'm dead serious, there was nothing that came out of that meeting. At one point, a senior executive was informing the group about a database that had nothing to do with the group in the room, someone should have stopped her and informed her it was the wrong forum for that discussion. As she regurgitated words in a half witted attempt at explaining, she used words like "centralize" and "essentially" in the wrong context. I know one of the other executives caught on to it, I figured he might, but he is a huge bitch, totally afraid of her so he wouldn't dare say anything. The rest of them are all pretty dense and are fooled by her trickery. Using "big words" like 'centralize' and 'essentially' works on them.
I headed straight to another meeting. As I walked down the hall, I paid special attention to the names and titles on the doors of all the other offices and thought to myself, "WOW! I work with a bunch of fu**ing idiots." This meeting lasted about 10 minutes. You want to know what it was about? Yeah, you guessed it: ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! I can't even remember a single word from that meeting. It was such a waste of time. I think I lost brain cells just sitting there. In order to make use of the 10 minute waste of time, I worked on my signature - that way at least I did something productive. The others probably thought I was taking notes but I was really just scribbling my name over and over, experimenting with the look of my signature.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Happy Birthday, Marilyn, You're a Gemini
Dear, Journal
I've just decided at this very moment that I'm going to start a journal, I need to in order to hold on to my sanity. As I'm sitting in my office writing this entry, I'm looking to my "inspiration wall" for a name to call this here journal. An image of Marilyn Monroe which I tacked up, popped out more than any other. It's a sign, I'm calling you Marilyn. Happy Birthday, Marilyn, you're a Gemini.
I've just decided at this very moment that I'm going to start a journal, I need to in order to hold on to my sanity. As I'm sitting in my office writing this entry, I'm looking to my "inspiration wall" for a name to call this here journal. An image of Marilyn Monroe which I tacked up, popped out more than any other. It's a sign, I'm calling you Marilyn. Happy Birthday, Marilyn, you're a Gemini.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
